As I sit here looking over what I have written and wondering how many people are thinking, she needs mental health care or, I know just where she is coming from ... I realize that I have totally ignored talking about the surgery.

Interesting point as this is one part of my process that I remember very little about.

Unfortunately during my lifetime, I have had my share of surgeries so the anesthesia and surgery itself was not an issue. I knew what would be coming next.

The cold bed in the surgical suite, the clean crisp air, the cold blood pressure cuff being put on your arm, the gel pads that are attached to your chest to monitor you during surgery and the sticky pad applied to your thigh and the bright lights and the subdued chatter as they prepare the room for you.

I was a surgical nurse for part of my nursing career and nothing is unfamiliar except those faces behind the masks.

I know no one here and occasionally someone peaks over to look down on me on the bed and give me some words of encouragement.

I have seen my surgeon and those that will be assisting. This man reassures me and holds my hand and says WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I needed to hear those words.

He is so comforting and his presence helps to bring my heart out of my throat and back into my chest.

Oh yes, the chest, hmmm. Have I stopped to think how different this will look and what the outcome will mean.

No, I really haven’t, it is an accessory part for me, part of me but not essential. It is like the radio in the car, nice to have but... well I don’t really need it or at least not like I did when I was raising kids and breast feeding and well, you know, the younger years when it is so very vital.

I was never overly endowed, not like my mother was, so it was never a big issue. Yes, I said big issue!

Even so, I will still have one and what ever is left of the “damaged” one that they will be working on today.

I was prepared to loose it all if it meant I would continue living.

Amazing how you look at things so differently from the sidelines than if you are in the game!