By Jim Roha

“Socialism!,” they cried when the first public non-toll highway was built. Remember your history lessons, and you’ll recall that the original highways in America were private toll roads. The role of the government was to govern, not to compete with railroads and private toll-road companies.

“Unconstitutional!,” they proclaimed when free public schooling was introduced in America. The government has no business being involved in the education process. Social Darwinists believed that the only people worthy of being educated were those whose families could afford to pay tuition. By definition, if your family had money, it was because they were genetically superior, and their children were worth the price of an education. Conversely, if your family were poor, it was because there was bad blood and inherent inferiority, so an education was pointless because you wouldn’t know what to do with it, even if you did manage to learn something.

“Play toy of the rich!” was the moniker affixed to community airports. If man were meant to fly, God would have given him wings. Airports should be funded by the airplane owners. Of course, if you eliminate airports, the mail you receive in two days would take more than a week to arrive, and Fed Ex packages would cost several times as much to send.

Let’s eliminate socialism in America. Life would be much simpler.

If you ascribe to that line of thinking, consider this: My grandparents never owned a car, so they should never have had to pay taxes to maintain streets so some kid could go joyriding. They’ve been dead for more than 60 years, so I want all accrued interest paid on the refund.

But without socialism, my friend Granny would pay a toll to walk on the privately-owned road to reach the nonexistent bus stop where the socialistic CATA bus wouldn’t be running. She wouldn’t ride to the Senior Center because it wouldn’t have been built; she wouldn’t eat a nutritious subsidized lunch which wouldn’t be cooked; and these amenities wouldn’t stretch her Social Security check which wouldn’t exist. Instead, Granny would be living at the County Farm, not in a subsidized housing complex for the elderly. But she would have to work to earn her keep. Sounds like a character out of Charles Dickens, doesn’t it?

Or better yet, let’s get biblical. Maybe Granny has a daughter-in-law she could live with. Then she could make her living gleaning the fields, and begging for alms at the corner of Park Avenue and Chestnut Street in the off season.

Let’s follow the Constitution. There is not a single provision for public education to be found in the U.S. Constitution. Close all the schools and sell them to private contractors. Eliminate school taxes and school vouchers, and let the free market set tuition rates. Only those with family money need apply for admission.

A true capitalist would argue that since my parents enrolled my brother and me in the Irish Academy (St. Brigid School), and paid full tuition, it logically follows that their estate should be refunded all school taxes that they ever paid, plus compound interest.

And since I don’t have school-age kids, I should obtain a full refund of all my school taxes, and be exempt from further school taxation in perpetuity because it isn’t my responsibility to educate someone else’s children. If you pay me within 30 days, I’ll waive all claims to interest due.

But didn’t our last president and the late senator from Massachusetts prove the point that family money and brains do not necessarily run hand-in-hand? Without public schools, 90-some percent of the folks reading this column would be unable to do so, because they would be illiterate.

Close down all the local airports. Think of the money we’ll save. Except that the airplane-owning industries which are responsible for hundreds of jobs would be little more than backyard shops employing a handful of people. There goes your paycheck. And the Life Star helicopters wouldn’t be flying your loved ones to distant medical centers because they would have no bases of operation. Too bad about Grandpa, but one life lost is worth it if it keeps us free from socialism.

Constitution. Capitalism. Consistency.

Let’s follow the Constitution. Let’s adhere to a purely capitalist economic system. But let’s be logically consistent in our approach to problem-solving, especially when we debate the horrors of government-run health care.