The Top 10 things a farmer would like to hear - but probably won’t:

10. Due to an accounting error, we’ve discovered that your farm was actually paid off some time ago and we now owe you a substantial sum of money.

9. Well, it turns out there wasn’t a darn thing wrong with your tractor.

8. Honey, you stay as late as you want at the auction and don’t worry if you miss the dance recital.

7. Apparently, two packers got into a bidding war over your cattle and they just kept topping each other.

6. You’ve been selected as the winner of our “free fertilizer for a year” promotion.

5. Hey Dad, I worked all day and didn’t break a thing, run out of gas or leave any gates open.

4. Those tires don’t look very good considering they only have 65,000 miles on them - how about we just replace them free of charge?

3. The government has decided to pay you $10,000 for soybeans you’ve been providing for the deer.

2. We got your soil test back and you don’t need any fertilizer at all.

1. Know what? I forgot our anniversary, too!

Mark Parker writes for Farm Talk in Parsons, Kan.